Let Me Tell You a Story Read online

  Some days if Hanka or Maciej were in a more tolerant mood, we would act them out. Jan, who knew no stories, listened eagerly. I would choose to be the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood or the little heroine herself. He would be the granny and the huntsman. I was Goldilocks, whilst he was given the role of all three bears. Usually he would object to being the rats in The Pied Piper of Hamelin but seemed happy enough to be the fat mayor or crippled child whilst I, of course, was the Piper. I particularly loved this tale, the Piper with his twinkling eyes and his half yellow, half red coat and the rats, great rats, small rats . . . who drowned in the River Weser.

  I thought of the view of the River San, the only big river I could remember, and imagined the rats running into its dark waters. I understood why the Piper was angry for not being paid as he had been promised. I was angry with the little yellow star for not keeping me and Mamusia and Babcia safe as it had promised. I felt for the little lame boy left behind as the door in the mountain closed before him leaving him all alone, helpless. I felt sorry for myself for being left behind with no Mamusia or Babcia.

  It was Maciej who had the book of translated English poems. He read us some poems by Robert Browning that were about love and murder – ‘Porphyria’s Lover’ and ‘My Last Duchess’ by Christina Rossetti – as well as other more fanciful poems such as ‘Goblin Market’. Because neither of us could read, I would often ask Maciej to read to us, especially ‘Goblin Market’.

  ‘Please, Maciej,’ I would beg. ‘Just one more time.’

  For then we could be transported into a world full of summer fruits and warm air as Maciej’s deep voice led us through the verses one by one.

  ‘Damsons and bilberries,

  Taste them and try;

  Currants and gooseberries . . .

  Sweet to tongue and sound to eye,

  Come buy, come buy.’

  I would imagine I was Laura and wonder whether I would have eaten the goblins’ fruit.

  ‘“No,” said Lizzie. “No, no, no;

  “Their offers should not charm us,

  “Their evil gifts would harm us.”’

  But there were days when the thought of summer fruits was too much to bear.

  ‘She never tasted such before . . .

  She sucked and sucked and sucked the more

  Fruits which that unknown orchard bore,

  She sucked until her lips were sore;

  Then flung the emptied rinds away . . .’

  On those days I knew that I would have done the same without a moment’s hesitation even though, unlike Laura, I was only too aware of the outcome of doing such a forbidden thing.

  Jan enjoyed being the goblins and he would make me laugh by going around the flat chanting, ‘Come buy, come buy,’ even when we had long since finished our play. I liked to hear his voice. For someone so frightened and silent, on these rare occasions he sounded almost happy. Jan’s lead role was in ‘The Forsaken Merman’ by Matthew Arnold when he was the deserted merman, suffering and longing for his human wife to come back. As the days passed, I found myself liking Maciej more even though his moods were unpredictable. I could see that he too loved books and the stories and poems that lay between their covers. When we were quiet and obedient Maciej would become friendly, offering to read to us and sometimes even joining in our games. He didn’t hit us and had even given up threatening us once he knew that we could be trusted to behave.

  Hanka on the other hand was more difficult to understand. She ignored us most of the time and rarely spoke to us, except to utter a command. She set food down in front of us without even glancing in our direction and at the end of each meal she issued orders to us to clear the plates. She showed us how to wash up and was cross if we did not do it properly. Even though she was neither friendly nor kind, underneath she was fair and would defend, and sometimes protect, us against Maciej’s outbursts of temper.

  Living in one room, it wasn’t surprising that Maciej and Hanka turned to each other. When they were not screaming at each other and sometimes even throwing things, they were hugging each other and kissing. I would stare at them wondering whether they really did like each other or not. I couldn’t decide. I would watch them from my mattress as that feeling of jealousy rose up in my stomach and crept over me. I longed to be hugged even by Maciej or Hanka. My attention would turn to Jan: at least I had him to look after. I could take care of someone even if I didn’t have someone to take care of me. Jan obviously missed his mother’s affection too and so loved to lean against me whilst I tickled his back or stroked his hair. Sometimes I tried to put my arms around him and kiss his little face just like Mamusia used to do to me, but he didn’t like that at all and would push me away, each time his face turning a deep shade of pink.

  But even though Maciej read to us, I finally decided that I liked Hanka more. Although she shouted at us, what made me more uncomfortable was the way in which Maciej was so unkind to her. Sometimes their quarrelling became vicious, ending with Hanka in tears. Maciej would then clout either her or Jan and frequently both for no reason that I could ever understand. Thankfully he didn’t hit me. But I hated it as much as if he had hit me because I simply could not see any reason for it. Yet as time went by I began to realise that this happened when his temper flared either just before, or just after, a visit from his wife. This was the time to keep out of Maciej’s way. We all knew when she was due because Maciej was tense and irritable, snapping at Hanka and at us.

  Jadwiga was Maciej’s wife. She was a large woman with blonde hair scraped back into a bun and a loud, unpleasant voice. Her mouth was twisted and cruel; her eyes cold and unkind. Jadwiga visited every week, but never spent the night. Thankfully she never stayed long but whenever she came Maciej, Jadwiga and Hanka sat at the table in the middle of the room, speaking in low voices so that Jan and I, who had retreated to our mattresses to keep out of their way, found it difficult to hear what they were saying. Jadwiga took no notice of us at all. Sometimes their voices would get louder but, while we heard the words, we didn’t always understand what they meant.

  Jadwiga always began by throwing out questions to Maciej and Hanka.

  ‘So, how have they been?’

  ‘How much have you got now?’

  ‘What are you going to do with –’

  Then she would tell them off, in the same way that Maciej and Hanka would scold us.

  ‘Idiots, can’t you see that –’

  ‘All you have to do is sit here with them! I am the one running around –’

  Although Hanka sat at the table with Jadwiga, she hardly said a word to her. Hanka spent most of the time studying her fingernails as if she were cross and sulky but I could tell she was more than a little scared of Jadwiga. When his wife was present Maciej also changed. When Jadwiga was in charge he seemed to grow smaller and quieter – he too must have been a little nervous. This surprised me – how could someone as fierce as Maciej be frightened of anything?

  Jadwiga’s weekly visit always followed the same routine. After the questions Maciej would take half the money Marynia and Jan’s mother had given him out from his trouser pocket and place it on the table in front of Jadwiga. She would count the złotys, twice, and then put them carefully into a little cloth bag with pull strings, which she would stow away in an inside pocket of her coat. Once the bag containing the money was out of sight, Maciej would click his fingers and Hanka would get to her feet and busy herself at the stove in the corner with her back to Jadwiga who would eye her suspiciously. It was obvious that Jadwiga didn’t trust or like Hanka and she didn’t see why she should pretend to like her. As Hanka made the tea, Maciej and his wife sat in silence. Hanka would then hand them both a steaming mug and escape back to the stove. Then Maciej and his wife talked together, softly, until Jadwiga abruptly ended their conversation and, with a short goodbye, left the room.

  There was one visit from Jadwiga that didn’t follow the usual routine. Maciej was angrier and more hostile than ever.

 
‘I’m sorry, Jadwiga, there’s no money.’

  ‘What?’ Jadwiga leant over the table towards him and grabbed his jacket. ‘You stupid idiot. What do you mean there is no money? Didn’t they come? Did you go and look for them? Or were you expecting me to do that as well?’ She released her grip and leaned back in her chair.

  Maciej said nothing but scowled at her across the table. Jadwiga returned his stare until at last he looked away and said, ‘They didn’t show up, all right? What could I have done? They’ll be back. We’ll just up the price.’

  Jadwiga stood up, her face like thunder.

  ‘Just get the money,’ she hissed and grabbing her coat marched out of the room without even bothering to mutter goodbye.

  Jan and I looked at each other but knew better than to say anything and kept out of Maciej’s way for the rest of the evening. That night I lay awake and, as usual, tried not to listen to the muffled noises that came through the darkness from the mattress on the opposite side of the room. Hanka was moaning more than usual and I began to wonder whether I should get up and see if she was all right – Maciej didn’t seem to care. Perhaps he was asleep. But somehow in the aftermath of Jadwiga’s visit I didn’t dare in case Maciej was in fact awake and got angry with me for being out of bed. Instead I lay very still and tried to focus my thoughts on Marynia and her promised visit. Finally the noises stopped and I could hear their soft, regular breathing allowing me to fall asleep too.

  Two days after that strange visit from Jadwiga, Maciej was in a particularly good mood. He kept hugging and kissing Hanka and even patted me on the head.

  ‘You are a good girl,’ he said, smiling at me.

  I couldn’t remember him ever having called me a good girl before and the pleasure from knowing that I had pleased him felt wonderful. He had been nice to Jan too, not forcing him to eat all his gloopy porridge. Jan always ate like a bird, pecking a little here and a little there, and was constantly in trouble for leaving food on his plate. Sometimes when Maciej and Hanka were both away from the table Jan would quickly slide his plate over to me and in return I would push my empty plate in front of him. I had a hearty appetite and had learned to eat everything. Everything, that was, except horse meat.

  On the rare occasions that Hanka returned from one of her short outings clutching a package of horse meat, the two grownups didn’t waste it on us children. Hanka would make horse stew for herself and Maciej and the two of them would sit at the table and wolf it down. Jan and I didn’t mind one little bit – in fact it was a relief. Whether or not Maciej was aware of how often Jan and I swapped our plates I never really knew. He turned a blind eye. Once or twice, when Maciej was in a bad mood, he did catch us and there had been trouble.

  ‘You are more than ungrateful,’ he snarled. ‘There are people out there eating rats off the street because they can’t find food. You are lucky and don’t even know it. What makes you so special, I would like to know?’

  Maciej and Hanka continued to spend most of their time focussed on each other, either gazing into each other’s eyes and smiling lovingly, or quarrelling and shouting. The rest of the time they would talk together in earnest whispers. I listened to their conversations; after all there wasn’t much else to do and I was always hungry for information and desperate to learn why Marynia hadn’t been to visit.

  ‘Another bunker has been found, the one in . . .’

  ‘The Underground is ready but what they are waiting for is . . .’

  ‘They had been hiding a family of Jews and were all killed before the Resistance could . . .’

  ‘This war can’t go on for ever, we have to make sure that . . .’

  They never mentioned Marynia, or Jan’s mother either, and these snippets meant nothing to me. But it was the way that Maciej and Hanka talked in their urgent whispers that made the life outside these four walls sound strange and mysterious even though the world seemed to have forgotten about me and Jan cooped up inside this room behind the blacked-out window.

  They would talk about the war, Jews, killing, Polish people fighting back, a hidden war, but I couldn’t imagine what was really happening other than to draw on my own experience. War to me meant watching the starry sky or veiled clouds on a sunny day through darkened windows and only being able to imagine the warmth of the sun on my back or the cold splash of raindrops on my face. It meant men fighting and killing and taking what wasn’t theirs, including those I loved; it meant the hole in my stomach that groaned and growled; the need to keep quiet all the time; having to tiptoe around adults whose moods would change in an instant without warning; and the fear of being found. But above all, war was the monsters in grey-green uniforms and peaked hats and shiny boots who continued to visit me in the night after everyone was asleep, reaching out and grabbing me as I lay frozen with fear on the ground before them.

  One morning Maciej had just finished saying that he was going to teach us a new game when Jadwiga’s familiar knock, two quick taps followed by four long ones, resounded through the door. Maciej’s head jerked up and he and Hanka looked at each other.

  ‘What the hell does she want?’ Maciej snarled, trying to stay in charge. ‘She isn’t due for another five days. If she thinks she’s going to get more money, she’s got a surprise coming.’ He got up off the floor and made his way to the door.

  ‘Are you sure it’s not a trap?’ A look of terror crossed Hanka’s face.

  Maciej paused.

  ‘I don’t think so, but just in case . . .’ Maciej returned to his mattress and after fumbling underneath it for a few moments pulled out a small revolver and approached the door holding the gun before him in his right hand. I looked at Jan who seemed as surprised as me that Maciej had a gun hidden under his mattress. The gun clicked as he held it. He unlocked the door and opened it a crack, then a bit further as far as the chain would allow. ‘Who’s there?’ he whispered urgently.

  ‘Who d’you think’s here, you idiot?’ came the unmistakably harsh voice of Jadwiga.

  ‘What do you want? We weren’t expecting you today.’ Maciej stood firmly in front of the door, making no attempt to let his wife in.

  ‘Open the door and let me in. Do you want the whole house to hear?’ came the reply.

  Maciej opened the door and in she came with a broad smile on her face. At first I didn’t recognise her. I had never seen her smiling and I was surprised to find that she was in fact quite nice to look at. The smile extended to her eyes, which seemed to sparkle as she looked around the room in search of Jan and me. I found this new Jadwiga more disturbing than the usual one.

  ‘Comes to something when my own husband locks me out of my own flat,’ she remarked jovially, winking at me and turning her smile on Hanka.

  ‘What d’you want? What are you up to?’ said Maciej.

  ‘What a suspicious mind you have, Maciej, dear,’ she said. ‘I’m not up to anything. I had a spare morning and I thought I would give you and Hanka the chance to go to the meeting together for once and I would look after these two. Get to know them better.’ Still smiling, she looked over to where Jan and I sat.

  ‘Well,’ Maciej said. ‘That is a turn-up for the books – my wife being kind and considerate, a rare event indeed. An opportunity too good to pass up. Thank you, my dear, we shall take up your offer most gratefully. In fact, Hanka needs to be at this one and so I was going to stay behind. I really do appreciate this, Jadwiga, especially as things are finally coming to a head.’

  ‘So I gathered. That means you won’t be able to stay here much longer. What d’you plan to do with them?’ She raised her eyebrows and nodded towards Jan and me.

  ‘Things will resolve themselves,’ he replied. ‘The mother is still behind with the money. I’ve warned her. She knows the odds.’

  ‘No heart, have you, husband of mine. But that’s when I like you best – when you show some guts.’

  As she stressed the mine, she glanced across the room at Hanka. Hanka turned away and I saw her spit into the corner of the
room. Why was Hanka being so rude when Jadwiga was being so friendly for once?

  ‘Right,’ Maciej said. ‘If you really mean it, we’ll be off.’

  ‘I really mean it. I know this is an important meeting. Don’t hurry back. I have no pressing engagements today.’

  Hanka and Maciej reached for their coats and then left before Jadwiga could change her mind, not together, but Hanka first and Maciej a few minutes later.

  ‘So, here we are, just the three of us. Isn’t that nice,’ Jadwiga said, bending down to sit on the sofa, her smile making her look very different from the Jadwiga we knew. ‘We have a whole morning to get to know each other properly. Come and sit here beside me and let’s have a look at what I have in my bag.’ She pulled her big cloth shopping bag onto her lap and started to undo the zip.

  Jan looked at me and we shyly approached the sofa where she was taking up most of the available space and so we sat on the floor at her feet. Jadwiga rummaged in her bag and pulled out a small package which she carefully unwrapped and proudly displayed on her lap – two small sponge cakes.

  ‘A little treat for two good children,’ she said, holding them out temptingly. Jan and I looked at them in amazement. We hadn’t seen a cake for months, years even. I couldn’t tear my eyes away in case they vanished.

  ‘Can we really eat them? A whole one each?’ I couldn’t believe our luck.

  ‘Yes, a whole one each. Eat them now before the others come back and make you share them,’ Jadwiga added.

  ‘Thank you!’ Jan and I gasped in unison.

  We ate our treats greedily, not savouring every mouthful as we should have done. But neither of us could remember having eaten anything so delicious for ages and ages. For the first time I noticed that Jan had no problem at all with eating. He finished his first and licked his lips over and over again so as not to miss one single crumb. Jadwiga watched us with a smile, not saying a word until every scrap was gone and our attention was focussed on her once more.